Sorry that it has been so long since I last posted. Life has been extremely busy lately and since I don’t make money from indulging myself in writing and sharing with all of you (except for the donations that I receive from time to time from people clicking my donate button – which I wholeheartedly appreciate), I have had to keep plugging away at the job that is indeed paying me. I have been getting there early and leaving late, leaving me very little time for much of anything else. I almost feel stuck and it is not where I want to be.
I have always loved my job and what I do. I won’t get too much into that here, but I work hard and I know that a lot of what I have developed and done has made a difference for a good amount of people. That is intrinsic in me in all aspects in my life; I want to serve, I want to be able to make a difference, and I like to think that after I leave a person or a place, they are just a little better off than before. But lately, the job and career have just become a routine – a means to an end, which unfortunately the only end it seems to be supporting is the roof over my head. I am not feeling challenged, I am being passed over for promotions that are long overdue, I am watching people who are not working get away with it, etc. I wish I could just leave and make money writing or working more independently, but that isn’t in the cards for me right now. I have a mortgage, student loan payments, car payments, bills, and other obligations and it is just little old me to take care of it all. Sometimes, being single can really suck. 😉
I need to rededicate myself to exploring my interests, to learning, and to simply living my life. I know it is time for change, in whatever ways I can make that happen. I want to be more open and be able to explore my sexuality and continue on my road of self-discovery. It is difficult at times because I am now doing this on my own and, for all intents and purposes, to many people, I am still living my sexuality and desires in secret.
I did take a big step a few weeks ago by attending a vanilla happy hour hosted by a local kink social group. I was terrified to take the step to just convince myself to go, but once I was there, I felt accepted for the most part and not uncomfortable like I was afraid I might be. Since I am still pretty shy, I didn’t get to know a lot of people, but I had some great conversations and it was a baby step – and only the first of many I hope to continue to take.
Although I am not with Daddy J anymore, I have recently managed to find a friend to play with from time to time. We can call him Uncle Billy since he likes to call me his good little girl and he isn’t my Daddy. We started talking online after he would comment on my Twitter posts. We met a few weeks ago and had a great time (I will save the details for another post). He is handsome, sweet and fun, likes to play like me, thinks I am sexy, and is very encouraging. He, like Daddy J and my old neighbor MP think I should do more with pictures and cam online, but I am still scared and hesitant. We shall see….In the meantime, you can get yourself in a sexy mood by reading my article about music and sex at Gutter Magazine!