I’m Not Giving Up – Not Yet
I know I joke on Twitter (and here) how hard it is to be dating these days. There are the stupid questions (like these), the crazy OK Cupid profiles you have to wade through (many personal messages I posted already on my Twitter feed here, here, here, here, here, and others too many to count), and now comes Cosmo telling us that Baltimore ranks #4 in the worst places for single women. Now, one might claim, “But you can always look in DC or Philly cause they are close too!” However, DC is #3 and Philadelphia comes in at #2, with only the metropolis NYC outranking all others at #1. So, you can definitely see how a nice girl feels like dating has a “no win” game ahead for her in this area. So -Why am I not willing to give up?
Mainly – because I know love exists. I have seen it. I have experienced it. And I want it again like a heroin addict needs his/her next fix. There was nothing better than that feeling that someone was there for you unconditionally and despite challenges, arguments, or obstacles, the only thing that person wanted was to be with you. It does exist. The comfort of knowing someone will support you, even if they disagree. The warmth of someone holding you and telling you that life will work out, even if he didn’t really believe it, he was willing to be there for me even if it didn’t work out.
So, I know I have had real love. And, I am even lucky enough to say I had it more than once. Why am I not still with these guys? Because love wasn’t enough to overcome the fact that we weren’t meant to be together. Sometimes, that really happens. But I do know that love is real, is possible, and I want it back. I just need to really get out there, make myself vulnerable, and find it once again.
A few people have asked me, “What if you don’t find it again?” And I have considered it. Maybe because I have experienced real love more than once, my chances are done. Maybe it won’t happen again. But I am not ready to accept that it CAN’T happen again. And IF it doesn’t, I will always cherish the memories of when I did have it. I wouldn’t be me without all of my past experiences, good and bad.
So for now, I take a deep breath, put myself out there, and hope.