It is a topic that always generates debate with every group of girl friends I have ever had – do you or don’t you go down on a guy? I am always surprised when I find women who just refuse to give fellatio to their man, or reserve it for those special occasions like Steak & Blow Job Day. In the past, oral sex was more of a taboo topic, but we have come a long way in this sexual revolution. I mean, do we need to talk about the infamous Bill Clinton Oval Office intern oral exam? I have always enjoyed giving head, so for me, it isn’t much of a problem. But I am going to tell all of you ladies out there now why it is so important to let down your defenses on this one.
1. It is highly intimate.
Did you know that many men consider a blow job more intimate than actual intercourse? Guys are obsessed with their penises and they want us to be just as mindful of them. What can show him you appreciate his manhood more than taking him in your warm mouth? A lot of the time during sex, there is a lot of mental pressure on the man for him to perform and prove himself. While you are going down on him, this anxiety is set aside and he, for once, gets to focus on his own pleasure, rather than worrying about pleasing you. Psychologically, many men say it makes them feel special and loved. In other words, when he says, “If you really loved me you would…” he is actually telling the truth for once.
2. It is fairly easy to do.
Remember that time you both looked up all those positions online and you wound up with a sprained back and he ended up falling off the bed? It isn’t like that at all. Many women shy away from this act because they are unsure if they are doing it correctly, or they themselves feel pressure to perform like a porn star. It doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to try so hard – relax and have fun with it. Moving your mouth and tongue up and down his shaft with a little pressure, and some help from your hands is all you really need.
Sure there are techniques out there if you want to become more of an artist, but trust me when I say that just the action will be enough for most men. Just be confident in your own sexuality and use your mind to eroticize the moment. Be sure to keep a little eye contact from time to time. Make sure to glance up and hold his gaze to show him how excited you are to be pleasing him. Maybe even flash him a sexy evil grin. He will be putty in your hand (possibly literally) in no time.
3. You may actually enjoy it more than you thought.
What’s more exciting than watching your partner in erotic arousal and pure sexual desire and knowing that you brought him there? I can’t think of much. Giving oral sex can make you feel powerful. Even in a submissive role, nothing gets me wet more than knowing something I am doing in service to him can excite him and please him like it does. If you get worried about the “cleanliness” aspect, suggest that you two shower together first. Cleaning his twig and berries for him can be excellent foreplay.
Remember that almost all sexual acts and the pleasure we get out of them are in our minds. Your mental game and the impression you give your lover is critical. You must make him believe that you love his penis and that giving him head is all you want to do. Seems simple enough, but this first step is usually the downfall of most women. If you give the impression that oral sex is a chore, or your mindset is not into the moment, it takes so much away from the experience.
4. If you don’t, he may look for someone who will.
You should never feel “bad” or guilty about performing oral sex — it’s healthy and normal, just another way to spice up your sex life. Let’s face it: Most couples break up because of cheating or infidelity. Being sexually in tune with your partner is critical for your relationship to last. If this is something he truly wants, it is in your best interest to provide it. You don’t want him leaving you for a woman who will give it to him. Because, trust me, they are out there. For every woman who swears off oral sex there is at least another woman out there more than willing to suck big willy and love it.
And no, not every man will cheat or leave you for something like this. But if this is a sexual desire he has, and you are denying him the satisfaction of experiencing it, he may grow to resent you and your relationship. We all know that never ends well either. I am not saying it is an ultimatum situation (although sometimes it can be), but we do so much for our partners and they reciprocate all the time. This is just another one of those things the two of you can share and enjoy together.
Finally, one word about the biggest debate I hear women and men have:
Spit, Swallow, or Wear it?
As for fear of the taste of sperm, get over it. Trust me, it isn’t that bad (heck, people eat caviar, snails, and worse all the time). Plus, there are things he can do to make it more palatable. Eating fruit, such as pineapple, mangos, and melons is known to make semen sweeter. Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon are also recommended for improving the taste. Also, encourage him to cut down on fish, garlic, or onions. Letting him cum in your mouth and swallowing is very important to many men, like it or not. It is so erotic for a guy to ejaculate in a woman’s mouth that it takes the experience to a completely new level. It shows that you truly take all of him no matter what.
However, if you just can’t get past the gag reflex, there is another great alternative. Men are very visual so allow him to cum on your body, somewhere. In D/s, it is considered a great reward for a submissive to have her Dom to ejaculate on her face. Some people think of this as demeaning, but it is endearing to many men that a woman is willing to go so far as to wear his semen. Whatever you decide to do, commit to it, and don’t flinch or back away from it. You both will enjoy it more.
In the end, I believe the question should not be whether you want to go down on your man and excite him with oral pleasure but, rather, how often should you do it. I guarantee you will enjoy the rewards that will come to you.
Article Written May 4, 2011 for Gutter Magazine