If you have been reading, you know that I am fairly new to the D/s dynamic and I am learning quite a bit. I asked Daddy when he knew that I had this side of me that I didn’t even know was there. He said that the very first night we were together, he knew I had potential. When I look back, I never even dreamed that night would turn into our relationship now, or that I would have done most of what we have experienced together. But now that the door is opened, I can’t imagine ever closing it. I am so happy to finally be exploring my true inner desires and needs. I believe that I am meant to serve; it is inherent in my nature to be submissive sexually. Every day when I talk with Daddy, I realize more and more that this is who I am. And the days that I don’t talk to him, I truly miss serving him and bringing him pleasure.
I am honored that he has chosen me to serve him. I feel special that he trusts me and wants to share his knowledge and desires with me. I find myself craving his direction. I get excited when his emails arrive, asking me to complete a task, or just providing me feedback about a task I have completed. Every IM and text I receive, butterflies come over me and I want it to be him. I was worried about him driving through the snow storm the other night, and I realized then that I care about him more than even I thought. I feel vulnerable allowing myself to be so open and trusting with him, but I am compelled to continue to let him inside the walls that I usually have up to protect myself from the outside world. I have to surrender in order to properly serve him. He is very good at telling me exactly what he thinks, but I know he holds things back too. He asked me once if I thought that was accidental on his part. I told him that I know that nothing he does in my training is accidental. I know he has his reasons for choosing what he does and does not share with me, and I respect him, so I do not push. He and I both know that I am his, I belong to him only. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he is mine as well.
Every night I lie in bed and imagine his hands caressing me, his voice commanding me. Last night was especially intense. In anticipation for my lesson on Saturday, I put my collar on, laid back, and I allowed my mind to wander to wonder what new he has in store for me (I know he mentioned rope, and we are installing an eye hook in my ceiling). My pussy was wet almost immediately. I reached down and rubbed my clit a bit imagining my fingers were his tongue, licking and circling, remember how good it feels when he goes down on me. I pulled my larger vibe out of the door and thrust it inside me, moving my hips up to meet it as I do when he shoves his cock deep into me. I licked my fingers, tasting my juices on my lips as I would taste myself on his lips if he came up to kiss me. I kept fucking myself with my vibe, picturing him above me, looking down at me with such desire. I came close to cumming, but I stopped as I did not have permission to. I could have texted Daddy to ask, but I decided that I want my next climax to be with him. So, I will wait for Saturday.