No Question Is Obtuse
This question was submitted to me through my Tumblr account anonymously:
This question may seem obtuse but do “submissive” people in a relationship with someone who don’t identify as “Dom” ever feel guilty about not taking the lead? Does identifying as submissive, mean that you can’t reach climax unless treated that way? I only ask for possible insight into my own relationship which doesn’t have defined roles, but some players aren’t totally satisfied in the role they are forced to play.
Not for me, no. But I also am relatively new to D/s and still learning. I can definitely reach climax without being submissive to a Dominant person. I can even take the lead if I am in a sexual relationship with someone. I think that although there are similarities among submissives, there are also all of those differences, just like there are with mainstream sexual relationships.
I think the key in what you are looking to know is in your last sentence.I only ask for possible insight into my own relationship which doesn’t have defined roles, but some players aren’t totally satisfied in the role they are forced to play.Although there is a power exchange in and D/s relationship, no one is really “forced” most of the time into the role. I willingly submit and he willingly takes the control. If this is something that is not your partner’s cup of tea, then you need to talk about it. Maybe find a common ground that you both can be satisfied with. If this is something that is only exciting to one of you, and the other is unwilling (or unable) to be satisfied in such an exchange, you have to determine for yourself how important it is to you and if it is something that you want to continue with.I am not sure if I completely answered your question, but I hope it helped. Since you stayed “anonymous”, I assume you don’t want to be public about this issue, but you can feel free to inbox me again, or even send me an email.P.S. One of the blogs I love to read takes on a similar struggle in his relationship – you may want to check it out. Good Luck! 🙂
What do you think my readers? Any additional insight? 🙂