Sinful Sunday #249: New Year, Same Me?

As Molly says, Sinful Sunday is all about the image. I know I have not posted much here recently, and I, as always, apologize. The “JOB” has been really stressful with re-organizing and downsizing which has taken a tol all the way down to my tiny little team, which normally would not happen. My job is still safe, but it is definitely a wake-up call that this is not what I want to do anymore. I want to write. I want to continue to try to make a sex-positive difference in this world, but how do I even begin to do that AND pay my bills? I have no idea.

Also, just after we rang in the New Year, I lost my beloved grandmother. I lost the grandfather who raised me (who I considered to be a father) in 2007. That left me with my “mean” grandmother (the one who raised me as well, but had some mental issues), my dad’s father (who I wrote off a while ago for numerous things he did to hurt me and my sister, as well as his ENTIRE family), and my “nice” grandmother – the woman who had the heart of a saint, was sharp as a tack, and raised 9 kids almost entirely on her own. I lost my “mean” grandma in 2011. She and I had reconciled a lot of issues, and I was sad to see her go, as well as lose my childhood home once she passed. And now, I have lost the “nice” grandma and I feel in a tailspin. I am an emotional wreck and can barely make conscious easy mental connections. I am fighting – I promise I am. And I will continue to try to “get back to me”. But

I am fighting – I promise I am. And I will continue to try to “get back to me”. But it has been a very difficult couple of months, yet again. I know I have it somewhere in me to survive, and I will! But this weekend, in order to try to get back to the “me” I want to be, I needed to just hibernate a bit. And, I treated myself to something pretty to sleep in.

image1 (1)

I don’t see a new Me coming in 2016, but I see a return to the Me I really want to be. I was there – and I am slowly climbing back, I hope.

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4 Responses

  1. Molly says:

    I am very sorry to hear about your loss. What a crappy start to a New Year. I can totally understand why you are reeling but your determination to recover yourself really shines through in this post

    Mollyxxx

  2. BMN says:

    sorry to hear you’re having a rough start – but love that you’re going in the right direction, starting with something simple like your nightdress
    BMN xx

  3. sub-Bee says:

    It’s awful when things happen that make us re-think ourselves. I hope you recover and find yourself again soon.

  4. KaziG says:

    Nasty way to start the New Year! I had a similar dark time near the end of the year… here’s to climbing out of the abyss!!

    ~Kazi xxx

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